Kenny & the Dead Donkey

A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old
farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad
news, the donkey died last night."
Kenny replied: "Well then, just give me my money back."
The farmer said: "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Kenny said: "OK then, just unload the donkey."
The farmer asked: "What you goanna to do with him?"
Kenny: "I'm going to raffle him off." (Note: To raffle is to sell a thing by
lottery - draw lot -! to a group of people each paying the same amount for a
ticket)
Farmer: "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Kenny: "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."
A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with
that dead donkey?"
Kenny: "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made
a profit of $998.00."
Farmer: "Didn't anyone complain?"
Kenny: "Just the guy who won. So I gave him back his two dollars."
Kenny grew up and eventually became the CEO of the American Energy Company :
Enron

- this content is forwarded as mail from somebody

Bappa

Advertisement In A Long Island

Shop: Guitar, for sale....... Cheap....... ....no strings attached.

Ad In Hospital Waiting Room: Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... One Lung At A Time!

On a bulletin board: Success Is Relative. The more The Success, The more The Relatives.

My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need Glasses... He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.

You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When: Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick.. Or when your Son starts To wipe It Off

Sign In A Bar: 'Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please do Pay In Advance.'

Sign In Driving School: If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way.

Behind Every Great Man, There Is A Surprised Woman.

The Reason Men Lie Is Because Women Ask too Many Questions.

Getting Caught Is The Mother Of Invention.

Laugh And The World Laughs With You, Snore And You sleep Alone

Sign At A Barber's Saloon In Detroit : We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business..

A Traffic Slogan: Don't Let Your Kids Drive If They are Not Old Enough Or Else They Will Never Be.

Sign In A Restaurant: All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.

Sign On A Famous Beauty Parlor Window: Don't Whistle At The Girls Going Out From Here. She May Be Your Grandmother !

Time to Change Your Thinking

It will take just 37 seconds to read this and change your thinking.
Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.
One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.
His bed was next to the room's only window.
The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end.
They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation..

Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake.
Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by.
Although the other man could not hear the band - he could see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days, weeks and months passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep.
She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window.. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
0A
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside.
He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed.

It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.
The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.
She said, 'Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.'
Epilogue:
There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.

Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.

If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.

'Today is a gift, that is why it is called The Present.'

The origin of this letter is unknown .

Do not keep this letter.

I pray you will forward it to all your friends to whom you wish God's blessings. This will definitely not bring you riches but will allow you to bring a smile on many faces

What Babies Do Inside?

The pictures are so cute... The imagination of whoever created these pictures is worth Admiring...Check these out and smile...:-)

Swine Flu - initiator apology

This is the apology photo send by Swine Flu initiator to one of the new agency to publish as his apology.

Income Tax Section 80C, 80CCC, 80CCD, 80CCE

Section 80C. – Section 80C was inserted from assessment year 2006-2007. It provides deductions from gross (total) income for qualified amounts paid or deposited by the assessee in the previous year.

Main Provisions.

1. The deduction is available only to an individual or a HUF from the gross total income,

2. The deduction is allowed irrespective of whether such amount is paid or deposited by the taxpayer out of his income chargeable to tax,

3. The deduction is available on the basis of specified qualifying investments/contributions/payments made by the taxpayer during the previous year,

4. The maximum amount deductible under section 80C is Rs. 1,00,000. Also the total amount of deductions under sections 80C, 80CCC and 80CCD is Rs. 1,00,000.

Gross Qualifying Amount for the Deduction
Following nature of payments are qualifying amounts

1. Life insurance premium subject to 20 per cent of sum assured,

2. Payment in respect to non-commutable deferred annuity,
   Deferred annuity deducted from Government employee (subject to maximum of 20 per cent of salary),

3. Contributions (not the repayment of loan) towards statutory provident fund and recognised provident fund,

4. Contribution towards an approved superannuation fund,
   Subscription to National Saving Certificates, VIII Issue,

5. Contribution to ULIP (unit-linked insurance plan) of Unit Trust of India and or LIC Mutual Fund,

6. Payments for notified annuity plan of LIC including New Jeevan Dhara, New Jeevan Akshary, New Jeevan Dhara I, New Jeevan Akshary I, II and III.

7. Subscription towards notified units of Mutual Fund or UTI,
   Contribution to notified pension fund set up by Mutual Fund or UTI,

8. Any sum paid (and accrued interest) as subscription to Home Loan Account Scheme of National Housing Bank or contribution to any pension fund of National Housing Bank,

9. Any sum paid as subscription to any scheme of public sector company engaged in providing long term finance for purchase/construction of residential houses or from the housing board in India engaged in planning and development of cities.

10. Any sum paid as tution fees for the admission or otherwise to any university/college/educational institution in India for full time education for any two children of the taxpayer,

11. Any payment towards the cost of construction/purchase of residential property including payment of loan taken from Government bank, cooperative bank, LIC, National Housing Bank, taxpayer’s employer where such employer is a public company, public sector company, university or cooperative society,

12. Amount invested in approved debentures of, and equity shares in, a public company engaged in  infrastructure including power sector or units of mutual fund utilized for infrastructure,

13. Amount in fixed deposits of 5-years or more with a scheduled bank in accordance with a scheme framed and notified by the Central Government (applicable from assessment year 2007-2008),

14. Subscription to any notified bonds of National Bank for Agriculture or Rural Development (applicable from assessment year 2008-2009),

15. 5-year time deposit in an account under Post Office Time Deposits Rules 1981, and

16. Deposit in an account under the Senior Citizen Saving Scheme Rules, 2004.

Section 80CCC. Deduction for Contribution to Pension Funds -Section 80CCC provides deductions from gross (total) income for amounts paid or deposited by the assessee to any annuity plan of Life Insurance Corporation of India or any other insurer for receiving pension from the fund referred to in clause (23AAB).

Main Provisions.

1. The deduction is available to an individual who is resident or non-resident, Indian citizen or foreign citizen

2. The deduction is allowed only if such amount is paid or deposited by the taxpayer out of his income chargable to tax,

3. The maximum amount deductible under section 80C is Rs. 1,00,000. Also the total amount of deductions under sections 80C, 80CCC and 80CCD is Rs. 1,00,000.

4. Surrender value received is taxable in the year of receipt in the hands of the assessee or nominee.

Section 80CCD. Deduction for contribution to pension scheme of Central Government. – Deduction is allowed to an individual employed by the Central Government or any other employer on or after the 1st day of January, 2004, has in the previous year paid or deposited any amount in his account under a pension scheme notified or as may be notified by the Central Government. However, the deduction is limited to 10 per cent of his salary in the previous year.

Where, the Central Government or any other employer makes any contribution to the employee’s account, the employee shall be allowed a deduction in the computation of his total income. However, the deduction is limited to 10 per cent of his salary in the previous year.

If after claiming the deduction, any amount together with interest or bonus accrued is received by the assessee or his nominee in whole or in part, in any previous year, is taxable of the assessee or his nominee, as the case may be, if it is received –

1. On account of the closure or opting out of the pension, or

2. As pension received from the annuity plan purchased or taken on such closure or opting out.

Where any amount paid or deposited by the assessee has been allowed as a deduction under section 80CCD —

1. No rebate with reference to such amount shall be allowed under section 88;

2. No deduction with reference to such amount shall be allowed under section 80C.

Explanation. For the purposes of 80CCD, “salary” includes dearness allowance, if the terms of employment so provide, but excludes all other allowances and perquisites.

Section 80CCE. – The aggregate amount of deductions under section 80C, section 80CCC and section 80CCD shall not, in any case, exceed Rs. 1,00,000.

www.irctc.co.in - Limit

Now a days most the computer users book train tickets using www.irctc.co.in. When we signup as a normal user, we can start booking the etickets, canceling the etickets and many more.

Now as normal user you may not be aware that you can only book 10 tickets per month user user. Last time I have booked some tickets and some how I crossed this limit that time I was not aware of such limitation and continuously error message is displayed. After writing a complaint to customer care I came to know about this limitation. So I thought of sharing this with all you people.

Remember Agents login is not having such limitations.

Restroom signs around the world.

Wherever you travel, be sure you understand this important signage: Restroom signs around the world. People of Earth are creative with their bathrooms

 

Live simply
Love generously
care deeply
Speak kindly

Rohypnol

A woman at a Gas nightclub (Mumbai) on Saturday night was taken by 5 men,Who according to hospital and police reports, gang raped her before Dumping her at Bandstand Mumbai. Unable to remember the events of the evening, tests later confirmed the repeat rapes along with traces of rohypnol in her blood.

Rohypnol , date rape drug is an essentially a small sterilization pill. The drug is now being used by rapists at parties to rape AND sterilize their victims. All they have to do is drop it into the girl's drink. The girl can't remember a thing the next morning, of all that had Taken place the night before.

Rohypnol, which dissolves in drinks just as easily, is such that the victim doesn't conceive from the rape and the rapist needn't worry about having a paternity test identifying him months later. The Drug's affects ARE NOT TEMPORARY - they are PERMANENT. Any female that takes it WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO CONCEIVE .

The weasels can get this drug from anyone who is in the vet school or any university. it's that easy, and Rohypnol is about to break out big on campuses everywhere. Believe it or not, there are even sites on the Internet telling people how to use it. Please forward this to everyone you know, especially girls.

Girls, be careful when you're out and don't leave your drink unattended. (added - Buy your own drinks, ensure bottles or cans received are Unopened or sealed; don't even taste someone else's drink) There was already been a report in Singapore,Malaysia,UK and India of girls drink been Spiked by Rohypnol...

Please make the effort to forward this to everyone you know. For guys - Pls inform all your female friends and relatives. "Your life is God's gift to you. What you do for others is your gift to God" I had been forwarded this mail you SHOULD do the same.

Rhyme...

WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKED FOR TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE
This is the winner

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
Marrying you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

I thought that I could love no other --
that is until I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts tequila, one part lime

PARENTS ARE PRECIOUS

Dear Friends...
...PARENTS ARE PRECIOUS!!
This was narrated at a Seminar recently on Human Relations:

Venkatesh Balasubramaniam (who works for IIT) describes how his gesture of booking an air ticket for his father, his maiden flight, brought forth a rush of emotions and made him (Venkatesh) realize that how much we all take for granted when it comes to our parents.

My parents left for our native place on Thursday and we went to the airport to see them off. In fact, my father had never traveled by air before, so I just took this opportunity to make him experience the same. In spite of being asked to book tickets by train, I got them tickets on Jet Airways. The moment I handed over the tickets to him, he was surprised to see that I
had booked them by air. The excitement was very apparent on his face, waiting for the time of travel. Just like a school boy, he was preparing himself on that day and we all went to the airport, right from using the trolley for his luggage, the baggage check-in and asking for a window seat and waiting restlessly for the security check-in to happen. He was thoroughly enjoying himself and I, too, was overcome with joy watching him experience all these things.

As they were about to go in for the security check-in, he walked up to me with tears in his eyes and thanked me. He became very emotional and it was not as if I had done something great but the fact that this meant a great deal to him. When he said thanks, I told him there was no need to thank me. But later, thinking about the entire incident, I looked back at my life. As a child, how many dreams our parents have made come true. Without understanding the financial situation, we ask for cricket bats, dresses, toys, outings, etc. Irrespective of their affordability, they have catered to all our needs. Did we ever think about the sacrifices
they had to make to accommodate many of our wishes? Did we ever say thanks for all that they have done for us? Same way, today when it comes to our children, we always think that we should put them in a good school. Regardless of the amount of donation, we will ensure that we will have t give the child the best, theme parks, toys, etc. But we tend to forget that our parents have sacrificed a lot for our sake to see us happy, so it is our responsibility to ensure that their dreams are realized and what they failed to see when they were young. It is our responsibility to ensure that they experience all those and their life is complete.

Many times, when my parents had asked me some questions, I have actually answered back without patience. When my daughter asks me something, I have been very polite in answering. Now I realize how  they would have felt at those moments. Let us realize that old age is a second childhood and just as we take care of our children, the same attention and same care needs to be given to our parents and elders.Quality time and politely answering them with out making them wait is important. Now I realize that I must look at their eyes and answer them pleasantly  and pretend to be reading papers and answer in mono syllables. Rather than my dad saying thank you to me, I would want to say sorry for making him wait so long for this small dream. I do realize how much he has sacrificed for my sake and I will do my best to give the best possible attention to all their wishes. Just because they are old does not mean that they will have to give up everything and keep sacrificing for their grandchildren also. They have wishes, too.

Take care of your parents. THEY ARE PRECIOUS. KEEP THIS MESSAGE GOING BY SENDING IT TO YOUR FRIENDS

Yoga!

There are two basic types of Yoga as shown in following figures,

Pic1: it takes years of practice to do this asana.

Pic2: it takes only 8 pegs of whiskey to do this asana.

Wonderfully Described Definitions

	CIGARETTE: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other!
LECTURE: An art of transmitting Information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through the minds of either
	CONFERENCE: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present
COMPROMISE: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece
	TEARS: The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water-power!
DICTIONARY: A place where divorce comes before marriage
	CONFERENCE ROOM: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on
ECSTASY: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before
	CLASSIC: A book which people praise, but never read
SMILE: A curve that can set a lot of things straight
	OFFICE: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life
YAWN: The only time when some married men ever get to open their mouth
	ETC: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do
COMMITTEE: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together
	EXPERIENCE: The name men give to their Mistakes
ATOM BOMB: An invention to bring an end to all inventions
	PHILOSOPHER: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead
DIPLOMAT: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip
	OPPORTUNIST: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river
OPTIMIST: A person who while falling from EIFFEL TOWER says in midway "SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"
	PESSIMIST: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in OPPORTUNITY
MISER: A person who lives poor so that he can die RICH!
	FATHER: A banker provided by nature
CRIMINAL: A guy no different from the other, unless he gets caught
	BOSS: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early
POLITICIAN: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence Later
	DOCTOR: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by his bills!